Baby baby.

I wish I had kept up this blog since my last entry part way through my pregnancy. I guess between work and being pregnant time got away from me.

I think my last entry was July, 2015. It’s now early March 2016 – where does time go?! I am now the proud mother of a 10 week old little boy who I adore. I often reflect on the miracle that is the creation of a human being and on the extra special miracle that is an IVF baby. When I chat to my son I often tell him the story of how he came to us. Just today I was taking him on a tour of the house and when we got to the kitchen, I showed him my fridge magnets made through the Sticky9 app. There are nine of them and they chronicle the pregnancy – from a bubble on the monitor after transfer up until the 34 week scan.

My little man was due early Jan but decided to make his entrance two days after Christmas. After a long labour (starting on the 26th) I eventually had an emergency c-section. Baby was well the whole time, just decided to (try to) come out the wrong way. The hospital stay lasted six days – the first five without my husband as he got gastro and had to leave shortly after delivery. Shattering. I didn’t cope too well those first days and there were lots of tears. It all felt a bit much at times.

I have been lucky enough to have hubby home for ten weeks following the birth. It has made this transition to our new way of life so much easier than it would have been. I have only started doing all the night feeds myself the past week (formula feeding) and now bubs is sleeping longer. Will be interesting to see how I go once hubby goes back to work on Monday! I certainly don’t plan on staying home bound – I want to get out and about when I can.

Time to do bottles – they’re sterilised and the water has been boiled to fill them. This is my life now and I have no complaints whatsoever.

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 13 weeks +2.

  
We had our scan today and this time were offered a DVD. Have already watched through it once, almost three quarters of an hour of it. Cheeky baby wouldn’t stay still! Bouncing around, kicking legs, waving arms – in every position but the preferred one – lying down and still. So it took a wee bit longer for the sonographers to get all the info they needed. We weren’t fussed – meant we could keep watching!

I had a contraction in my uterus which I was reassured was perfectly normal and they see them all the time. It meant there was a bit of a bump which essentially made it hard for baby to lie flat (so it’s not entirely bub’s fault). I hadn’t had that much to drink in the morning, hadn’t had my usual cup of tea, but surprisingly had to go to the loo twice to clear my bladder during the ultrasound. I did have some Powerade, which our ob told me to have a little of every other day to get more salt into my system. Could be part of the reason bub was behaving badly…

Baby’s heartbeat was a healthy 157bpm and the length was around 7cm. I can’t believe how quickly they grow in such a short time period! So all on track for 13 weeks. Fluid behind the neck was checked and as soon as I saw it on the screen I felt relieved – only a small gap, I think it was measured at .12cm. I’ll have to take another look at the video and check that! ;-P

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 11 weeks.

  

So I forgot to post last week at 10 weeks. So much going on with work, crazy times. 

I had my 10 week scan prior to my Harmony test this past Monday afternoon. Literally around the corner from work so just took an hour’s leave and was back at work afterwards. Baby looks like a baby now! Saw the arms and legs and features of the head and face. Fingers and toes. They did a thorough scan prior to the blood test. Got asked if I’d like to be part of a study concerning IVF patients which involves running the standard Down Sydrome etc. tests against the Harmony test. Was convinced even before I was offered a $285 discount on the harmony test! Bonus!! Have to wait 8-10 days for the results as the blood is sent to the US, which will bring me to Tues-Thurs this week. A nervous wait. The next hurdle, and the most significant one for us.

Still a bit confused on my dates. The 7 week scan sonographer said that based on the IVF cycle I was 7 weeks +1 on that particular day, rather than the 7 weeks +3 I thought I was based on what my IVF nurse had told me (they went on my last period – but it’s obviously much more precise with IVF as they know the ACTUAL date of fertilisation). Not sure why they did it that way. Monday’s sonographer seemed to agree with the previous one as she said I was 10 weeks exactly rather than 10 weeks +2. Aargh! 

I maintain that today I’m 11 weeks though it may actually be 10 weeks +5. Seeing my new obstetrician this Friday so will sort it out once and for all. Might stay away from the hospital though after all this talk of the ‘superbug’ doing the rounds. Will do a walk through of their maternity ward at a later date I think, though I’m eager to check it out. Haha, me, checking out a maternity ward for MY use. I never thought I’d be in this position. Still pinching myself. 

Have had a couple of moments the past few weeks where I’ve momentarily freaked out and had questions running through my head. Can I do this? Can we do this? What are we doing?! How will we know what to do? Will I/we cope with the lack of sleep? Then I think to myself, hey, you’ve done some surprising things in life, like move overseas to a place where I initially knew no-one and stayed there for over a year working. I adapted. I survived. I’ve had some interesting jobs and never imagined I would be head of faculty at school. I’m doing it. I can do it.

So here I am. Adapting, growing, learning. I’m still standing, breathing, succeeding. I can do this!!!

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 9 weeks, 4 days.

So it’s just gone midnight and not fifteen minutes ago I finished an almost three hour stretch of marking some 44 Year 9 Italian tests. Was cross eyed by the end of it so put the fur babies to bed and had a nice warm shower. Then started thinking and thought I’d pop out a quick entry.

Went for another check up today with my specialist – for the last time as I have found a new one closer to home. A female and someone I hear great things about. She’s at the two hospitals we are deciding between. My current guy – IVF specialist and obstetrcian – is lovely but he’s way to rushed about things and has lots on his plate. His hospitals are also not so local. My blood tests came back great and he said we’ll have a look at the baby. Wasn’t expecting a scan as I have the ten week one next week to coincide with the Harmony test.
So up I hopped and the scan was quick but he showed me the heartbeat and isaid it was a good size for just over 9 weeks – all looked great. And that was it. I was in and out of there in barely ten minutes. I was relieved about the scan as I think I’ve overdone it on Google and various forums the past couple of weeks and had got myself into a bit of a state about things. Why haven’t I got all the classic symptoms? Do I still feel pregnant? What about these missed miscarriages? All these questions (and then some) were racing around my head and I was online every five minutes.

I’m now staying away from some of the forums and laying low on a FB site I’ve joined for Jan ’16 mums. I feel bad in a way as we are all there to support each other but I couldn’t handle the negative stuff and the sad stories – not now. Not until I’m ‘in the clear’ so to speak.

Bed time – heading past midnight now and I’m zonked. Have to be up at 6am 😦

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 8 weeks, 5 days.

It’s just after 3am and I can’t sleep. I have the worst head cold I have had in a long time. Lying down and I can’t breathe through my nose. I’ve been geting up every 10 minutes for the last hour just to blow my nose.

Went to the doc yesterday and I have fluid in one ear, a red throat and an elevated temperature. Nothing to worry about but enough for him to say have the rest of the week off. He said as I am pregnant I should take extra care of myself. I actually negotiated to go back to work Friday. Being a teacher, it’s just too hard to stay home. Besides, the long weekend is coming up and I need to get my laptop and my marking.

I am so over sneezing – it’s starting to hurt and when I blow my nose and blood is appearing in the tissues. It’s just reached the unbearable stage and all I can take is a couple of Panadol every six hours. Frustrated. 

So at 3 I got up, made a crumpet with honey and some ginger and lemon tea. Then thought I may as well blog until the Panadol kicks in. My nose is so red and I’m frantically applying cream each time I blow my nose so it doesn’t get all dry and start to peel. Not a good look.

I have now chosen a hospital and got in to see an obstetrician I was hoping to get in to see. I have booked the Harmony test for the 15th, again having to apply for leave from work for a ‘medical appointment’. I’ll see my current obsetetrician/fertility specialist next week and have to break the news that I’m going elsewhere. He’ll have the results of my blood test from last week which will tell me about my RH levels and whether I’ll need those injections later in the piece.

So tired… Will finish this tea and try again to get some sleep.

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 7 weeks, 3 days. First scan day.

  
I was incredibly anxious leading up to today and thought it would never come. It seemed so far away when I booked it three weeks ago and this morning I saw the sun rising on the day we were having our first scan. I was crunching on a couple of slices of toast with Vegemite and sipping on a hot chocolate in my kitchen before leaving for work, contemplating what we would see at 2:15pm.

I met DH at the clinic just after two. We went up and sat patiently in the waiting room for my name to be called. At 2:45 I heard my name – they were running a little late which added to my anxiety. I settled myself on the bed and DH held my hand.

The sonographer was lovely and talked us through every little thing we were seeing. After having a look at my uterus, she manoeuvred the wand (internal ultrasound) and the black space I knew was the amniotic fluid came into view. I had to catch my breath because suddenly this pregnancy seemed really real. That image on the screen was coming from inside me. 

The sonographer then moved the wand again and there it was – our baby. All 1.07cm. She referred to it as a ‘little worm’ and identified the head (she said it was looking at us) and the tail end which will become the little bottom. She also identified the area that was the beginnings of the brain. It all looked really good.

After this amazing moment, the even more hard-to-believe-what-we-were-seeing moment – the heartbeat. The sonographer zoomed in the get a closer look at our little one and there it was, the fluttering of the heart. Tears came to my eyes and to those of DH. It was amazing. Something I had almost lost hope in ever seeing. I had to hold my breath for a few seconds so she could check the heart rate. A strong 134bpm. DH took a video of the screen and we were given three pictures, including a 3D image.

I drove home more conscious of exactly what was going on inside me. I still can’t believe that a little life with a beating heart is growing inside me. It truly is a miracle.

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 7 weeks.

  

I look at it more like five weeks to go than seven weeks gone. Counting down eagerly until the ‘safe’ week. Nervous at every twinge and ache, and at the lack of symptoms still besides cramping, bloating, and less savoury symptoms I’ll not share for fear of TMI. No sore boobs yet and no real cravings. No nausea. I know it’s all relative and every woman is different. Trying to keep positive.

I must say the bleh feeling and the tiredness have started kicking in. Mornings take a tad longer to get started and evenings I just fall into bed. If I do stay on the couch with the fur babies and hubby I find I can’t keep my eyes open after just a short time. 

Reading far too much on Google still and seeing women in the various forums I follow who are miscarrying. I’m terrified of miscarriage. Then I read that the older you are, the greater the chance. I read it’s one in five or one in ten-fifteen, it’s so inconsistent. But today I read that once you have the scan where you (hopefully) see a heartbeat, the odds become one in one hundred. As if I hadn’t already been counting down to this coming Tuesday afternoon – now even more so.

I have to get off Google already.

I was drying my hair today and I spontaneously came up with a few lines in my head to a poem/rhyme which I then wrote down and extended into a five stanza rhyme. I’ve decided to use it to announce at work and to my friends and family on FB, when the time comes. 

Five weeks to go.

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 6 weeks, 3 days, second follow up blood test day.

  
I was nervous about today’s test. The cramping had eased off yesterday and I had gone from worried about cramps to worried about the lack of cramps. Still no other real symptoms apart from intermittent cramps (geared up again today), increased saliva and bloating. Felt a bit off later in the day the last couple of days but it quickly passed.

I got there this morning early, as usual, and as usual sat in the car until they opened the door at 7. I didn’t want to look desperate so waited until 7 to leave the car. Of course others arriving after me didn’t care about looking desperate so I walked in after another lady. The gentleman who did my past tests took the first lady for her test and I got the lady. That worried me as I get superstitious and was paranoid of a different result with a different person. Silly but true. He did say good morning to me so I guess that offset any potential bad luck. Of course I’m just talking rubbish so please don’t think I’m (entirely) serious!

The lady did leave me with a nasty bruise, though it didn’t really hurt. Got a call from my nurse as I was about to sit down for lunch – took my phone into the lunch room which is rare. Usual speil DOB and ID# then she said all is going really well and my levels were 21,700 – up from 2000 last week and 200 the week prior. Yay!

So… all good up to this point. Next Tuesday is my 7 week scan which I simply cannot wait for, but wait I must. The heartbeat. Will be utterly amazing. 

Getting home to a pathology bill wasn’t the highlight of my day – no doubt I’ll get another one next week. I thought it was all part of the IVF process (it’s expensive enough!) particularly as I was never told to expect a bill. Not thrilled but hopefully I’ll get most if not all back. Not to worry – look what I have for it all. Counting my blessings.

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 5 weeks, 3 days, follow up blood test day.

  
I have been stressing somewhat about the test today, worried that my levels wouldn’t be up. Had my test early this morning, first cab of the rank at 7am, then off to work I went.

Clock watched all day and packed up after my lunch 10 minutes early to go to the loo and check my phone for possible missed calls from my nurse. No missed calls. Got my stuff ready for class and had a few minutes so had a look at my pregnancy app on the phone. Then it rang and I think I answered a touch too fast (barely one ring – it was just a reflex!)

My nurse was on the other end and I recited my birth date and IVF number as per usual. She then told me my levels were very good – in the 2000s. They were in the 200s last week and she said they expect a ten fold increase which I had, so good news. Of course I then got straight onto Google and was reassured as levels can vary greatly from woman to woman in week 5 – as low as double figures and right up to the 7000s. So I’m doing well. Next hurdle crossed – bring on the next one.

Next test is this time next week so as I take in today’s result, the whole cycle starts again. The waiting game. I have my 7 week scan two weeks from today and that day cannot come fast enough. I just want to see the beginnings of the little person growing inside me and that amazing heartbeat. Being a first timer, I can hardly imagine what that will be like. I think it will be absolutely breathtaking.

Here’s hoping I keep travelling along well. Sticking to my Crinone – better to be safe than sorry. Whatever I can do after coming this far. Even though my progesterone levels are in the 300s (they expect them to be around 30) and the Crinone costs a hefty $170, I’m going to continue with it. Still no sore boobs – wondering if anyone else has got to five weeks and not had this symptom. Not feeling sick either. Just a little extra tired, more easily puffed than usual climbing the million steps I have to climb each day to get to my classes and getting up at night to pee, which I never ever do. Bring on more symptoms!

Cycle #2: Pregnancy – 5 weeks, 2 days.

So today is the day before the first follow up blood test to check my levels are going up as they should. I’m feeling well overall, just the intermittant light cramping. And that’s what is worrying me.

What symptoms should I have by now? Apart from the cramping – nothing. Well, apart from the bloating. My boobs are the biggest thing that worry me – no soreness at all. Should I have that by now? Everything I read on Google leads me to believe that I should have that by now. So now I’m worrying about the blood test.

To have now come this far and for it all to crumble tomorrow will be devastating. I know I’m getting way ahead of myself but I just want to be prepared for the worst. I don’t know what else to think at the moment. Or what else to think about.

Apparently my baby is now the size of a chocolate chip. It graduated from red lentil size, before which it was tomato seed size. Anyway, that’s the size it’s supposed to be by now. If all is going well. I hope all is going well and I get good news tomorrow afternoon.

Early start tomorrow for my morning blood test before work and two of my least favourite classes to teach. It’s going to be a long day.